Too Much Me

Lately there has been a whole lot of me.  A lot of what I want. A lot of what I feel like. A lot of what I think I need.  And when I become the center of my whole world, things fall to pieces.

I need less of me, and more Jesus, and I need to be reminded of that often.  God reigned me back in this week, and once again reminded me that when I don't live in the center of His perfect plan and His will, I am living in the center of my imperfect plan and my own selfish desires.  I can say that living in the center of His plans will always be better than living in the center of mine.

How do I get so off course so quickly? I am entirely unsure if there is another answer to that besides I am human and I am fallen.

I do know that I want to be in the center of God's will, because I've been there before and it's been amazing.

 It's been almost a year since I left the campus ministry that I was getting ready to step up and lead.  I can tell you, I wanted to lead that ministry as they prepared for bigger and better things, but God told me I wasn't the leader that ministry needed.  I was scared to leave, but God was right, and I knew it. So I left.  In the midst of God's plan that day I had gathered up a whole lot of courage, or so I thought.  In all reality I got to my car and cried.  I felt so right about what God had asked me to do, but after I did it I felt like everything I knew had fallen apart. It had.  Turns out it had fallen apart because God was getting me ready to make an even bigger move.  I had to trust Him in the smaller things to trust Him in the bigger things.  So here I am looking back and realizing that was the center of His will, and in the months that followed (despite how scary they were at times) I am a stronger, and slightly more mature Christian because of that decision.  I am reminded of this in a time that God is getting me ready for another big leap of Faith as I jump into the center of His plan once again.  I get moments of courage only to be flung back into moments that seem rather scary, but I keep telling God I am all in.

            God,  
            Empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
            Place me in the center of your will.
            Lay out your plans for me.
            This life is yours.
            I am all in.