Giving Up

Realized:  God has called me to give everything up, in His name, for His glory.

Realized: I've been fighting this call every step of the way.

This is me throwing in the towel folks, on my life and my plans.  I've fought God every step of the way. He has asked for sacrifices and I have given Him shrugged shoulders and indecisive answers. He has asked me to trust and love people, and I've built walls in fear of letting people in. He has called me to a life of serving others, and I've asked for more "me time."He has called and called and called, and I fear I have not answered, at least not fully. It seems to me that He has knocked, and I've only just begun peering out the window.

My desires: To serve and know God on a more intimate level than I have even dreamed...

My actions: Serving myself, and finding comfort here on this earth.

This earth is not meant to be comfortable. This earth is not meant to be permanent. I am not on this earth for myself, I am here because of and for Him.

I've been wanting and doing separate things for far too long.

I need to give up my plans, but why is that so hard?!? Why is it that every time I think about God's calling for me I give Him terrible reasons of why I can't follow His plan?  It's His plan, and I can fight it, or I can follow it. I seem to think that following it sounds like a better path.

All I can say dear friends, is that I am a work in progress, but God is working on me, and I feel it and see it every day.  I don't know what my life looks like a year, or five years down the road. I don't know where I am going or what I am doing, all I know is that I need to stop trying to figure it out, and start leaving it to God to show me the way.

So here is to really giving it up, to laying it down for God. I want to serve Him. I want to love Him. I want to glorify Him.  I want Him, all of Him, and none of me. I am a sinful creature, and that is absolutely what it comes down to. I am sinful, and I NEED Jesus Christ for my salvation.

God, I promise I am all in, but my flesh is challenging that everyday, and I refuse to let that win out over a life dedicated to you. More you. Less Me.  Help me be everything you desire me to be, cause I cannot do it without you.