A Curve Ball...

This whole graduation thing is God's plan.

Whether it works out and I graduate in 3 months or it doesn't and I graduate in 8 months, it is still God's plan.

God's plan is better than my plan...I think?...Okay, okay, okay. It is. I know it. My plans fail every time. His plans have worked out for the best over and over again.

I struggle because I DESPISE school. I'm not good at it. It's hard for me to focus. I don't really care. I sort of resent MSU for how much money it cost. My degree isn't in demand...at all...and probably never will be. I went to college to appease a whole lot of people.  Telling me I have another semester that I hadn't expected is the exact thing to send me into a whirlwind of  fowl language, anger, and tears.

I'm aggravated, I had my post graduation plans planned.  I'm trying hard to praise God in this. It is for a reason (I know that) but in the middle of all of it, my heart just sort of hurts.

It's the extra semester, it's the delay to my trip to Africa, it's feeling like I discerned God's call incorrectly.  At some points this week it has felt like God has been saying "This is my way to tell you this isn't my will for you."  Then I remind myself of the scripture I've been reading and re-reading.  Going to Africa is in God's will for me, too many things have lined up for it not to be, but in my anger and sadness over the whole incident the devil has found himself a foothold, and it sucks.

The devil is using this, I've felt it in various ways.  I've always been told bad things usually happen before a missions trip, and right as I had gained momentum and began making giant steps towards my goal, and I had really started to feel at peace, this happened.

I've never been good at praising God in times of hardship. After turbulence has passed, and I can see what came out of it, I am great at it; however, mid-tornado you can usually find fallen and sinful me screaming things that don't begin with "Praise God."  This is totally an opportunity for me to work on it, and I am trying.  Every time I feel resentful I pull out my Bible, I podcast a sermon, I pray, or I turn on christian radio. I am desperately trying to get through this by praising God, but it is hard.  Perhaps this is what God is teaching me in all of this? Perhaps this is where His plan comes in?

I don't want my anger and sadness over this issue to give the devil any satisfaction.  I will pursue Christ in this time, and I will continue to praise Him, or at least go to Him in my sadness knowing that He will be there to meet me.

This is not life-ending, it is simply a change in plans, a curve ball, and a bump in the road.  God will work through it and in it, and I have to trust in that.

Please keep praying for this trip, for me, and for God's plan.