This Plan was Never Mine

Funny thing how we fallen and sinful humans work....

See 6 months ago when God put Africa on my heart, I wanted to tell Him no. In fact it was a daily prayer for me to continue moving one foot in front of the other as this process began. It was His plan, and not mine, and therefore slightly inconvenient for me.

Then my heart started to get used to the idea. Fear subsided. Excitement happened. Emotional investments were made.  Slowly but surely it became my plan.  Yes, originally it was God's but I took it off His plate, I mean He has so many other things to deal with that surely, this one, well I could manage.

And then the great graduation debacle came along and screwed up my plans, and I went into a tizzy while I convinced myself that MSU was single-handedly trying to blockade God's plans for my life from happening.

Funny part is that somewhere along the lines I had taken God's plan and made it mine. I had stopped giving it to Him, because well if you didn't know He is very busy being God, and I could handle this.

Tonight I'm reminded in a very big way it is still God's plan, and perhaps He needed to show me that.  I've thrown a fit thinking that my plans were being ruined, but they were never my plans in the first place.

I had lost hope and faith in God because I had put too much stock in my abilities to take over and then everything fell apart.  I wish this was shocking to me, but it isn't.  Rather it is a reoccurring lesson learned once again.

My dad and I talked tonight and this is what he said: "Take the emotions out, and logically rewrite how you're going to achieve what you want."

Take the emotions out? Silly dad there are no emotions, after all I'm a thinker not a feeler (please roll eyes here.)

The next part involves my emotions temporarily being set aside:

1) Graduate...it has to happen and it has to happen before I leave. Mainly because I've come to realize I can enjoy my trip a whole lot more if I'm not dreading coming back to finish school the whole time I am there.

2) Go. No I haven't heard back from the orphanage on resetting dates, but like all the other emails in the past that email will come too, it just might be a bit further out. I'm still going. If for some reason it isn't with that ministry, there will be another.

3)While completing steps one and two remember that this isn't my plan, it is God's plan. Which means nothing will be ruining it or blockading it, and that when changes are made last minute I have no right to be upset because  I am not the author of the plan  (Good thing too), and the one that is already took into account all of the factors I never could foresee.