Your teenage years come labeled as "the awkward years." You know before you get there. You're going to get braces, you're going to be in junior high and high school where girls will be catty and boys will be jocks, someone is going to stomp on your heart, and some where in between all of that you'll learn to have fun, and hey the good news? College will be rock awesome! So I squeaked my way through junior high and high school, and on the days that were less than perfect I told myself this was normal, every one thinks your teen years suck.
College came, and despite some of the hardest times in my life happening my freshman year; college turned out to be everything it was hyped up to be... and more. And then something happened...I turned 23. I changed my major five too many times. A lot of those friends I had graduated before me. They got engaged. Some even got married. A few are already having/have kids. And this is what it feels like...
"You feel like you're 6 years old in the San Diego Zoo (It's a big freakin' zoo) And you're searching for a familiar face. Hold tight. Pray a lot. Eventually a voice will come over the loud speaker to tell you where you can go to be found." --Paul Angone (His article "21 Secrets for Your 20s" may have rocked my world)
So. True. I'm watching so many of my friends live the life I thought I had wanted. I wanted to get married right out of school. I wanted to start my career (making 50K right out...and no less, of course) I wanted to buy my first house. I wanted to begin having a family. I wanted all of that, and now being approximately 30 minutes wiser than the last time I realized all of my friends were moving on and up while I was "stuck" part of me still...sort of...maybe...kind of wants it. (Honesty is the best policy...)
Then there is a bigger part of me, that wants something so very different. I want to travel across the ocean. I want to help someone. I want to chase God. I want to explore. And honestly? I want to do it single.
Don't get me wrong, if you're ready for marriage I think that's great. I, however am not. 98% of mornings I wake up, and I don't even like myself all of that much until 10am...much less another human being (Yeah...I'm just not a morning person)
I feel like I was never told that it was okay to feel that way until the past few years. My whole life I have been given the next stop. Kindergarten, elementary school, junior high, high school, college, grad school/marriage, career, babies, grandkids, etc. This week I've realized I don't want the traditional next step. I want my next step, and I want it my way.
I want to use the next 3-6 years to travel, I want to be authentic in every relationship I have, I want to stop holding tightly to people and things that don't make me happy, I want to make mistakes, and to work crappy jobs I don't necessarily love, and I want to write it all down just as I see it.
So here is to moving up and moving on....my way.
P.S. Does anyone want to warn me about my thirties before I get there?
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