Fear.

Fear is probably the emotion I hate most. Mainly because all of my life I have let it guide me in one way or another.  Fear and worry are my two worst enemies, and probably my two biggest pitfalls.

This week someone asked me if I was scared to go to Africa...the answer...yes. I am absolutely terrified.  I know nothing about international travel, and nothing about airports.  I watch crazy shows about people who get arrested in foreign countries and never come home. I have odd paranoias about something going terribly wrong.  Then on top of that, I'll be alone.  The only thing worse than being afraid, is being afraid and by yourself.

Crap. What have I gotten myself into?

I do know this: being afraid is easy, really easy. Letting fear make your decisions is also pretty easy regardless of how undesirable it might be.  I've thought of backing out of this whole going to Africa thing probably once a day, but something keeps pushing me. I think we can call that something the Holy Spirit without a doubt. The Holy Spirit is going to give me the courage, because God knows (and so do I) I do not have it.

I guess the point of this isn't me having some earth shattering realization that trusting God is way better than being afraid.  I know that trusting God is the way to go, but I am human, and seem to really be falling short of that right now thanks to my two "friends" Worry and Fear. (And the thing that just ran through my head...oh look at me using an allegory in a blog... okay... sorry... I have ADD)

God is steering this ship, and I have a feeling ready or not I'm leaving for Africa sooner rather than later. Praise God for giving me this opportunity, I truly am blessed to be able to have the chance to serve His Kingdom.

Yes I'm afraid in a way that I don't think I can adequately put into words.

However, it just doesn't matter because I'm on God's plan, not mine, and I am all in.