The Overwhelming Moments

So prepare for more word-vomit about missions in Africa...

Are you ready?

Okay, here we go...

This is my everyday series of thoughts and events:  "I cannot wait to get out of Springfield. I cannot wait to board a plane and go. I'm so excited this is happening. I'm ready God, can I just go now? Okay how about now?"  Cue minor event (an email, a bible verse, a passport application, a doctor's appointment for vaccinations, a conversation with a friend, my own thoughts occasionally) "Oh crap. This is happening. I can't do this. What happens if I get lost? What happens if something goes terribly wrong. I can't breath. I can't think about this. Too much. Too soon. Too much. Canada! Can I just go to Canada? Canadian orphans need help too." Cue the Holy Spirit stepping in, sometimes via someone else. "I can do this. God has a plan, I just have to trust Him. This is life changing, and God has it under control. I just have to follow His lead.  I am called to do this, it is all God's will. It's going to be okay."

Now that repeats about six times a day. To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement.  I am somewhere between couldn't be more frightened, and couldn't be more excited.  As I talk about it with people, the emotions involved whirlwind, today I just sort of started crying after church. Luckily I have been met with so much support, and love, and excitement.

God keeps reminding me with every freak out that I am not doing this alone.  The Holy Spirit has pushed me this far, and by the grace of God, it will keep pushing me further.  More than ever I've seen the Holy Spirit talk through people in most unexpected ways.  God has made his presence known to me in more and more ways.  It seems every time I start to doubt Him, or I feel like I have discerned incorrectly He sends a reminder, or a big red flashing sign that I am on the path He has called me too.

I want this to glorify Him. This is not me. This is NOT me. I am doing none of this. This is not my plan for my life, this is God's plan for my life. I have to keep saying that, I have got to keep saying that. When people tell me how awesome it is that I am making these decisions I have to constantly keep God at the forefront. I am NOT making these decisions. I have been called, and honestly I tried to say no to this call. This call is scary, and unfamiliar to me. God has sent the Holy Spirit to push me further and further into this. None of this is me, I am just a part of a plan that is bigger than myself.  I honestly think this trip is going to be a bigger blessing to me than anyone else.  Yes, I am going to Africa, and yes I plan on sharing the love of Jesus with kids who have experienced more pain, and sorrow than  I can put into words, but God could call a lot of people to this, and He has called me.  In my mind that means He has an incredible amount to teach me.

Overwhelmed or not, I am doing this. Scared or not, this is happening. I know I keep saying "This is happening." I'm sure you all get that at this point, but I think when I write "This is happening." it reaffirms it for me.  I need to keep seeing it in writing. It makes it a bit more real, because honestly, until I step foot on Ugandan soil, it isn't going to feel real.

Keep praying. Please keep praying. Did I mention to keep praying? There is a lot still up in the air, the orphanage still has to email me back saying "Yes,we want you here for 8 weeks. Board a plane on this day, and we will pick you up."  I long for that email more than anything else these days.

Seriously I cannot praise God enough for everyone that is supporting this in various ways. I cannot praise God enough for all of you. I cannot praise Him enough for the life He has given me, that has led me to this point.  I am entirely overwhelmed with blessings, emotions, and praise for God. I am also entirely overwhelmed by the love of the people He has put around me.

Overwhelmed seems to be the feeling I get most, but honestly I don't think I want life any other way right now.