I Need Out

So in the overwhelming emotions of Lauren, this week  the "I need out" kicked in.  I go through this occasionally. Last time I was a senior in high school getting ready to leave my parents house and move to Arkansas.  I think it's my reaction to overcome fear, like instead of being scared I just get restless.

But seriously... it was just one of those days that made me feel so blessed to know there were better things on the horizon.  I just hit a point today where I realized everything is changing, and I'm enjoying the ride. I'm sure there will still be freak out moments and panic (lots of panic) but today when I started to think about graduation, and life six to eight months from now I genuinely got so excited I couldn't stop smiling.

I look forward to what lies ahead, and I'm ready to move on.  I need someone to keep me in check though, because I can't abandon here and now quite yet. I have to graduate, I have a job that I still have to maintain until the day I board a plane, and ultimately there is a reason why God has placed this call for post-graduation and not sooner.

There is a weird balancing act here I never thought I'd have to pull off and it looks like this:

1) Enjoy now, get prepared, use this time God has given me for preparation.
2) Be excited about the future, don't be anxious, but instead keep praying, God will lead.
3) Don't be too excited about the future that you forget to do #1

I went from sitting across from my mentor, almost in tears, from being told to read a book (Kisses from Katie, it's fair to say it was in fact a game changer in the "Life Plans of Lauren") to now, the point where I am overwhelmingly excited. There will still be tears (they were present on Sunday) but they are less "I can't do this," and more of "I can't believe I am this blessed."

I know I keep ranting about this trip, but it has very much consumed me.  It is the forefront of every prayer and every conversation and honestly, every thought.  My mind is one-tracked in that way.  Which really brings me back to: I need to reality check myself. I have a semester left at MSU, here in Springfield, Missouri, which means I need to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually present here for the time being.

I should also mention I'm not good at balancing acts...so, um...can I board a plane yet? (Disclaimer: When it is time to physically board a plane, I will be crying hysterically, and freaking out, but that time isn't now so I'm just overly anxious to leave...)