I keep thinking 5 months ahead.
5 months from today I board a flight that takes me from St. Louis to Washington DC, and from there I will find myself in Belgium only to arrive in Entebbe, Uganda hours later.
5 months from today my life changes in a way that I can't even imagine right now.
This is where I am at right now...
I keep asking God what life looks like 5 months from now, and then I ask Him an even bigger question....What does life look like on March 23rd, 2013 when I return home.
It's one of those times where audible voice God would be really helpful, because no matter how many times I ask my thoughts are too loud to ever hear His reply. My heart currently is screaming there is no way I can come back to America after seven weeks with 14 children that I haven't met yet, but I am already in love with. There is no way I can ever be a 9-5 desk worker, and there is no way God really intended to send me some place so beautiful for only seven weeks, only to call me back to a place that seems so far from my heart.
Long term missionary living in Uganda may very well be my calling. Perhaps God had this planned out long ago, or perhaps it isn't His plan for me at all. Time will surely tell and until then I'll probably stay up very late some nights, praying, asking, and wondering...
What about my dog?
My family?
My friends?
My life here in Springfield?
What happens to everything if I am called to Uganda in a more permanent capacity?
The question brings tears to my eyes, but the answer brings peace to my heart.
The answer:
I leave it all here, and I go where God has called me.
It's almost unexplainable how this feels to my heart. I don't know what life looks like on February 8th, and I know even less about March 23rd. I know God has this all planned out, and that His plan far surpasses anything I can think up. I promised months ago that I was all in; that God's plans would take precedence over my plans, that His will would be my path.
The simple fact is...this is on my heart for a reason, and I don't believe it is going away anytime soon. I think God will reveal His plan in His time, because oddly enough He doesn't operate on my schedule, and until then I'll keep praying for discernment and obedience.
This is a quote from the book that really moved me in the direction of mission work in Africa. This is part of what changed everything a few months ago. It's called Kisses from Katie, and it's a true story of a young woman who ends up following God's call for her life to Uganda. It is beautiful and inspiring, and her words speak so much truth to my heart throughout the entire book. This is what she says about being in Uganda...
“Uncertainty is everywhere. But I am living in the midst of the uncertainty and risk, amid things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from things that can destroy my soul, complacency, comfort and ignorance. I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy.”
― Katie Davis, Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption
This is a beautiful post. It is really neat to see God changing your heart over the course of preparing for this trip. I have never been on a trip like this, but I have had the experience of months of anticipation for a life-changing event, and here's what I learned: God will not reveal what it will be like because if He did, you would have preconceived notions about the trip itself (my guess, of course). Some things are not meant to be planned, as much as we would like to plan for them. And we get so mad and frustrated and scared to be going into something without a solid plan, but when we live it, we realize that an open mind has made whatever it was we were anticipating so much more real. It is frightening and wonderful and I think you will eventually come to realize that you wouldn't have had it any other way.
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