I've spent a lot of time battling myself on what life is "supposed to be." I don't know where I got the idea that things in this life were to function a certain way, and by a certain way I mean they should meet and/or exceed my expectations.
My vision of how it should be: I never experience a sadness that chocolate and rain boots (I love the rain) won't heal, I should never fight with my family (Hello, in my world we are the Brady Bunch meets the Cleavers) My friends and I should never disagree. There should be a ring on my left ring finger from the man of my dreams (who I never fight with by the way), and my room well, it cleans itself because I'm obviously too busy shopping and drinking Starbucks.
Honestly, my life doesn't come close to the picture that I just painted. I fight with my family, sometimes even my closest friends hurt me (and I hurt them). I can't afford to drink Starbucks or shop because I'm planning a trip to a third world country. My dog drives me nuts. My laundry isn't done. My room isn't clean. And frankly if chocolate and rain boots fixed all of the tears...well I wouldn't be blogging.
Where did I get this idea of how it is "supposed to be?" My heart is an idol factory (part of that whole fallen, sinful person thing, I guess...), and I think sometimes (by sometimes I mean this is a consistent battle) my idol quickly becomes what I want life to be like, not what God designed life to be here on this Earth.
God is spending each day showing me that this is very much my temporary home, but that there are people here who make it so wonderful. I needed my Christian family this week in a way that I don't think I can begin to explain. This week I really confronted some things I was dealing with, and I was met with overwhelming support and love. The way it is "supposed to be" has broken my heart over and over again, so perhaps it is time to grieve the idea of what life "should" look like, and start rejoicing in what life does look like.
And this is what life truly looks like (from the less pessimistic version of me)...
I have a God who sees me as blameless, righteous, and has extended me grace far beyond my comprehension. I have a Christian family who is ALWAYS there, and for the first time in a few years I am starting to realize that they aren't leaving no matter how much baggage I bring to the table (turns out family isn't always blood, and a family centered around Christ is stronger than I can comprehend.) My parents do every thing they can to give me the tools to be successful in life. My friends love me, to the point that they are sacrificing their time to put together fundraising stuff for my trip to Uganda. I am going to Uganda...the reality of how it should be: There are millions of kids who deserve to each have a mommy that knows their favorite dinner. I can't be that for a kid quite yet, I'm by no means ready to be a mom, but one day I plan on giving a kid or two or seven just that, and until then I can offer them love, and smiles, and I can wipe away tears.
So no, life hasn't lived up to the picture I painted, but it has far exceeded any picture that a human could create. It is designed by God and therefore it is beautiful. Sin can screw it up a lot of times, our hearts create idols and visions that are false gods and misleading. It seems that in my life, for every time I screw up God finds a way to bring me back with His grace. He promises to always work for the good of those who believe, and therefore my plan will always fall short of His plan. I want my life no other way, than the one He designed for me to have.
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