Summer Classes start Monday, and for me this means a variety of things.
1) This is my last semester being considered a full-time student. (In the fall I will have 10 credit hours [not full-time] that include two creative writing classes, and an online science class with no lab. Let's be honest it will be the easiest semester of my life)
1.5) This semester includes British Lit (looovee me some John Keats) and Children's Lit (Hello reading assignments from Harry Potter, Hunger Games, The Hobbit, Alice in Wonderland, and Wizard of Oz.)
2) Graduation is in reach. The finish line is visible. This is the homestretch. I will have a Bachelor's degree in just 16 credit hours. Holy Motown Batman...I'm going to do it.
3) I currently have zero vision for post-graduation life. There will be a trip to Africa (assuming I get my butt in gear and finish this application, I'm scared, and it's not going well.) My life is before me, and I've got zero decisions made, zero life plans, and I'm totally winging it.
Okay so that's the part we need to talk about..I am winging it. I can't decide if this is me saying "Hey, God! Take charge! Use me for whatever your will is, I will just sit here and wait." or if it's me simply being so lost and confused on what post-graduation looks like that I am having a deer-in-headlights sort of moment hoping God will step in, and save me from an awful collision with reality.
I'm not sure which. I have many voices from other people playing in my ear (okay I know I need to do what I want and what is going to make me happy, but I don't know what I want so I'm asking others what they want for me...I know bad idea)
My mom would love for me to get a job, become completely financially independent, and really begin adult life here in the USA and live out the "American dream". (That sounds boring...nothing about me seems 9-5ish quite yet...I still need nap time.)
I have a lot of people rooting for this Africa trip (which once again...I need to get a move on this application) And I'm excited for it (by excited I mean scared, really scared). I do think God is calling me towards this path, but I'm slightly fearful as to how far down this path He is calling me. (What if I never come back is a thought I constantly have...) And I realize I need to stop looking past the current door he has opened for me, which is a 6-8 week trip.
There are many things running through my head about what the future holds for me, where God is calling me, and how much planning I need to do verse how much I let life "just happen."
Jeremiah 29:11 consumes me currently..."For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."
God has a plan, and His plan for my life is the only plan I want. I want to be led by Him in such a way that I am not relying on anything or anyone else. I want to follow God in a way I have never followed Him before (I think what the Africa trip might be teaching me.) I've never had more of a desperation to answer His call than lately.
Side notes:
I have a community group and a book club, and I love them both dearly for very different reasons, but I have been dying for a hard-core Bible study. I mean a legit hard-core Bible study, where I can camp out in a book of the Bible with others and really listen for what God is saying through the scripture. I am yearning for this in a way that I haven't before. I think this is the Holy Spirit telling me I need to be in the word more, because I haven't been as much as I need to be.
Have I mentioned how scared I am about this Africa thing? I just need this application to be filled out and sent, and I feel like this isn't happening until someone stands there and does not let me up from the computer until it's done. For being twenty-two I still require adult supervision most (okay...all) of the time.
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